DON'T ANSWER THE . . .

Don't answer the question that hasn't been asked.

#6 - JF's suggestions for teaching

I remember the first time I heard this suggestion from John. It was Miami, my first teacher training with John, 200? (the exact year I can't remember). When he said it, I remember it was like a thunderbolt.

Why? Because I often offer too much information, an opinion, or a solution, before I've ever been asked -- or, at least, I used to.

And, for a while after the Miami training, I continued with this habit of answering before being asked, until I saw and realized the impact. It many times sends people away, rather than bringing them closer. What did I see? I had a woman in class several years ago who limped. Before she could get out of class and out of the studio, I approached her to talk about the limp and what we might do to 'change' it. Never saw her again. Need another example? The young dancer who came to class and to who I offered unsolicited advice about her legs that rotated in (kneecaps almost facing one another). We worked with a block, I showed her how to begin to change this pattern in her body. Never saw her again, either. There may be other reasons these people didn't come back -- maybe they just didn't enjoy my class, or my bubbling personality. I like to think it's because I broke this 'golden' rule and offered too much without being asked.

There have been other examples (at least two additional ones come to mind, but I won't go into those). Suffice it to say, by having these examples in my life, I learned the lesson -- despite the fact I had been forewarned.

Today, I will answer questions galore. I won't, however, bombard the person with a ton of information - just the answer to the question; if they want more, they will ask. And, I even open the door to more questions a crack, like "if you need/want more information, just check in with me".

Yesterday, on an impulse, I posted my Bhartrihari quote (look to the right on this blog) on Facebook, because I love it. My husband asked (on Facebook, no less), for my opinion of Bhartrihari's last sentence "..such a difficult vow, which is as sharp as the edge of a sword." Stymied for a moment, I answered (privately) and this morning I've re-read the Discipline in Speaking chapter of The Yoga of Discipline. I may have a better answer now -- that it is very easy to do as Bhartrihari describes 'good people' do, but to slip into a negative or - worse - an implied negative comment. Like "Sissy is so nice, she'd be even cuter if she'd fix her hair." We have now slipped off the 'good people' truck and onto that sword blade.

For both situations (not answering unless asked and offering speech about someone or something), the operative word might be 'pause'. Sometimes, if we just pause for a moment, the urge to offer all our information and knowledge will pass; and - better - we will contemplate any potentially hurtful comments we were about to offer.

Hope all this makes sense. It did as I wrote it, now to re-read.

Today?

• Gentle Yoga at 10 am at The Yoga Center
• Paperwork
• Dinner out with 'the husband' (love to read Bernie Birney's blogs, where she refers to 'the husband' -- makes me smile and laugh)

Hope you have a great Friday,