STAYING CLEAR . . .
Yesterday, I wrote about the cleanse and how a frequently-heard comment was "you look really clear". I loved that, and aspire to look 'clear' again. It's also a mental aspiration of mine -- to be clear with colleagues, students, friends and family.
Mental is not so easy -- there's not a recipe or plan, and the path to 'mentally clear' is littered with pitfalls; a result of all that's happened in my life, the habits I've formed over 60 years, etc.
Mentally clear with colleagues means not 'stuffing' emotions; talking about issues as they arise and dealing with the difficult before they become monumental. My tendency in all relationships is to try to be 'nice'. I love being 'nice'. But, that's not healthy for me (or for others involved). Why? because eventually that 'stuffed' place gets so full that it all comes out with tons of emotion that doesn't need to be in the conversation. Issues/happenings that - had I addressed appropriately in the first place - would no longer be things to worry about.
Being mentally clear with colleagues is, I'm finding, easier than with parents. As a boomer, my parents are of an age that remembers doing things in ways that no longer are feasible. They also are not willing to talk about much of anything meaningful -- a product of their parents' example. There's no discussion of feelings - wishes, hopes, disappointments, etc.; these things are kept safely 'stuffed'. I see these things now coming out as anger (as my Dad gets angry with me for not doing the 'right' thing by them - whatever that is; and, as my Mom struggles with long-standing anxiety, self-imposed isolation and depression).
From this last paragraph you probably perceive that things are not going so well on the 'parent front'. Neither parent is happy, though my cousin and I are doing our best to provide them the best. That being said, I feel a bit trapped by all the unexpressed and unexplained emotions that are beginning to surface. And - as they surface - the fading memory banks of these two 85+ year old people denies them the capacity to adequately explain these emotions to me.
So, to radically change things on the 'parent front' is not going to happen. What I can do is look around at my husband, and our son and daughter, grandsons and other extended family, and make a commitment to be more 'clear' with them. I've changed old habits before - when my son was born, I made a commitment to hold and hug and nurture him (though I had little schooling in this, I hate to admit). I did it and raised (with Howard's wonderful help as his stepfather) a great person who has gone on to model many of the positive qualities all parents hope for.
Change can happen. Just as we hear when we go to a training or workshop with John, and he tells us we have the power to change our bodies, our abilities, our attitude. It can happen; but, not without our commitment and effort.
On an Anusara® note and FYI, I asked the 'home office' about class naming. A new instructor to my studio, excited about her future in Anusara®, wanted to name a class, "Hatha, Anusara-Style". Turns out that no one can legally use the word Anusara® in class names unless they are Certified (or Inspired - read next sentence). If you are Inspired and have signed a contract with Anusara®, then you can label your classes as such: "Anusara-Inspired™ Level 1". So, pretty strict with the word usage; but, I think we - as Inspired and Certified instructors - can appreciate the necessity.
Have a beautiful Wednesday,