First, tho, we did 'L' pose at the wall. That goes fine, for me. She then asked me to help with a demo (more 'oh, no' thoughts). As she completed her request, she quietly whispered "I'll walk you up". See, it's not that I can't do handstand or that I'm afraid to go upside down. It's that kicking part. And, Tiffany knows that; so, she wisely assured me and we went forward with a successful demo.

Even as I write this, I'm holding a vision of being able to do the kicking; yet, feeling that if I went to a wall, it would look more like a donkey kick than a handstand kick. I believe I have truly set up a mental block for myself on this particular pose.

Each time someone says - this will help your kick to the wall - I grasp at it for dear life. I hold that thought, try to do the action. Hasn't clicked yet.

The truly frustrating part of all this is watching a newer-to-yoga student kick lightly up. And, they don't have to be younger, more fit, smarter -- many (most) people can kick up. I haven't done it yet. I can kick up in the middle of the room with a partner, and I can have my leg 'walked up'. Just don't put me at a wall and say 'kick up'.

This whole 'kicking to the wall' does become an issue, when you read repeatedly in Anusara® workshop literature that one of the requirements for participation is 'you must be able to kick up to the wall in handstand without assistance'. Now that's a barrier, a wall - one I would love to argue someone about, just not sure who to take it to. Why, when a person can do any number of more challenging poses, are they discouraged from participating due to their lack of prowess in 'kicking to the wall'.  

I'm sure there is a very valid reason and probably one I don't want to hear as I linger in this 'poor me' state - but, it does cause me to wonder.  

So, what do I do to solve the problem?  I practice, I buy videos (Betsy Downing's is a good one), I've done privates (Adam has some pretty funny videos of my trying to kick up), I visualize, I dream.  I haven't given up.

In fact, last night's dream was about just that -- kicking to the wall. Can't remember the specifics, like who was helping me. But, whoever it was, took me farther towards success than anyone has yet.  I even remember that moment that legs reached over my head (very similar feeling to the real-life moment I kicked to the wall in headstand - first teacher training with Desiree Rumbaugh). This morning I awoke more hopeful. Going to try to get to the studio a bit early, move and give it a try. 

I'll be sure to keep you posted if it works; if not, well silence will tell the story.  

p.s. FYI, I am making progress on the second 'asana issue'.

Today's schedule:

• Teaching Gentle Yoga at 10 am
• Lunch with Howard (we're officially on diets - videos and photos don't lie, time to drop some weight!)
• To the bank with paperwork to finalize a re-fi on the Idaho house (great interest rates can't be ignored)
• Subbing for Isabelle tonight - Restorative Yoga at 7:15 pm; tho, she calls it "Bliss". Which it is.